Monday, 22 February 2010

Why Can't Men Close Their Legs?

Ok get your mind out the gutter (you know who you are) it's not THAT kind of post.

I think I have to invent a new word like when I created 'Tallerists' to describe those inconsiderate tall people who tend to be so unmindful of where they are going that they trample petite people under foot and then wipe what's left from the bottom of their shoes with disdain, as if to say 'Well what were you doing under my feet anyway?' *scowls at those head in the cloud people*

My new word is going to be 'Biggerist'. It refers to ALL people with the "I am bigger than you" mentality, who really don't consider their fellow passengers, pedestrians, passers-by - you name it. (I find this an especially useful term for truck drivers and owners of 4x4 vehicles who keep trying to crush my car!).

Now, if you know that you are neither a Tallerist or a Biggerist you should not be offended by my post. If you get offended then all I can say is "If the shoe fits...." after which I shall stick my tongue out at you and run away. A bear can't catch a field mouse...

Once again, this 'adventure' relates to my commuting to/from work.
When female passengers get into the train and settle down into their seats - they make sure all their belongings are within the dividing line: this side for me, that side for you, thank you.

The exceptions to this rule are of course the Aunties - who believe they are entitled to sit however they please on said chairs - even if that means crossing the dividing line... or those who believe the seat adjacent to theirs is meant for their handbag/shopping bags.

Please note - ample bodied people are exempt from this observation because they cannot reasonably be expected to fit their bottoms between the dividing lines of a standard size seat. This does not make them a Biggerist - unless of course they subscribe to the Biggerist mentality.

Most men will attempt to sit within the lines...  they'll place their briefcases on their knees or between their knees or against their shins. Ok, so we've generalised and covered most people. Now we come to the Biggerists.

With my swollen tummy, I will always pick the special Priority (pregnant woman) seat - as long as it is available of course. These seats are for the pregnant, elderly and/or disabled. No problem.

Today I settled into my seat, placed my bag on my lap and tried to relax;  it's been one of those days - someone questioned why my colleague signed off on some currency yield curves and wouldn't believe me when I said it had nothing to do with me... at all (or my colleague for that matter so there must be a mistake).

Another lady settled in opposite me and tucked her coat under (so it didn't cross the dividing line - how nice) and began reading her book...

No sooner had I felt the first wave of de-stressing sweep over me than a Biggerist boarded the train. He had at least 10 empty seats to choose from. First he sat next to another man... but 5 or so mins later - he got up and shuffled over my way. I was in the aisle seat and he decided that he just HAD to squeeze himself past me and into the window seat next to me... the PRIORITY window seat (for the pregnant, the elderly and the disabled - none of which applied to him).

I blinked in disbelief and actually craned my neck around the carriages to see if I could work out what was wrong with the 9 or so other available seats.... (absolutely nothing, if you ask me).  This man just HAD to sit next to me which wouldn't in itself have been a problem - except for the fact that he SAT ON ME!

I mean honestly. I'm pregnant. I'm sitting here. I'm wearing my BABY ON BOARD badge in the special pregnant people seat ... and you still sit on me?

Thing is - I am sure he could have kept his keester on his side of the dividing line if he had SHUT HIS LEGS. Why do men have to sit with their legs all 'sprawled out'? This man decided to sit so 'cat spraddled' over de place that I had to move or face death by crushing on the blooming train home. Absolutely ridiculous!

Have you any idea what a colossal effort it was to pull myself out from under him? Huh? Have you? I just wanted to shout at him and call him an inconsiderate so and so... but I didn't.  After all, he was bigger than me.. and clearly he was into crushing small women for a hobby.

Well Mr Biggerist - this is what I think of you.

Please readers - I beg you - show some consideration to your fellow man (especially small pregnant women you may have trapped under your right butt cheek). 


Nai said...

LOL!!!! ROFL!!!! ROLL ON THA FLOOOR!!! You know what!I think it is a small woman ting, cos whenever I venture out on old LT (which is as rare as possible)some fool does the same thing to me!!!

Bajan Lily said...

LOL - now THAT definitely cheered me up!


Denise said...

Bajan Lily that is too funny! I know that it wasn't funny at the time, but the things that people do. Not only did he have the audacity to squeeze in next to you, but then to sit with his legs open! Girl, I tell you..

The Woman Inside said...

U are too funny!! I think men sit like that to try to show the world that they have a big package (if you know what I mean) WHATEVA!!!
BTW I am 6ft now I have to evaluate myself and see if I am a Tallerist hehehe

Maxizone said...

This gave me a good laugh!!! So true, some people are just so inconsiderate - especially so when you're going round with a pregnant belly! I have experienced the same kind of thing.

The Real Nique said...

LOL! You should have asked him "Well okay, how big is it???, cause you see what I am working with, but dang... I don't see any bulges down there so what is it that has your legs all on me?" hee hee hee... LOL...

Bajan Lily said...

@Maxizone - I just have to shake my head - it happened AGAIN today!

@RealNique - rofl, why didn't I think of that?

Mital said...

You need a prickly belt and hat, so when biggerists sit next to you they get pricked, and when tallerists brush past you and knock your head they get a big scratch!

Great story girl, you should publish them all in a (small pocket-sized) book :)

Auntie B said...

A very good and humourus piece young lady...maybe he is in the habit of protecting a pregnant 'smallerist' women ...or, you sent him some good energy that drew him to that seat...

Yes there is a thing about men sitting and sprawling their legs outward to touch whoever sits nearby..maybe sitting with legs closed is too lady-likefor machos, biggerists etc.. :)

hey we could form a 'New Word' group..'smallerists'.'anti-shorterists' etc...hmmm! I think I know a few of the latter and believe it or not, that latter group includes females :)

Cherie said...

People fail to realise that there is an invisible line of personal space that runs parallel with edges of a person's seat.

So true but its not just the tiny people that get punished by the biggerists cause I'm an average size and I get the same treatment.

Bajan Lily said...

@ Mit - I will bear that in mind (the book and the belt) lol.

@Brenda... erm... must be the energy, cos I really couldn't figure out - especially since it happened again today!

@ Cherie - by nature, biggerists will accost ANYONE smaller than them, whether that person is 5' 6'' or 4'8'' ... they can't help it - but I am planning fuh dem! Me and my invisible line :)

ps... I am categorically NOT a smallerist (although I bet Sean Spencer would beg to differ). I'm just a petite person :)

Naturally Sophia said...

This post was really cute. LOL! I am a personality "biggerist" at times. Does that count?

Nai said...

Hey BL
PLEASE tell me you got my email!! I clicked on contact tab and got addy off there... ???

Bajan Lily said...

I got the mail - I want to respond properly :) soon come!


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