How often to we cage ourselves within prisons in our mind? What's your self-built prison that noone else can see?
Maybe it's a 'cant do' mentality or 'I'm too fat/old/ugly for that dress' kinda thing. Maybe it's 'my voice doesn't sound like Yolanda Adams' handicap - when really, if you just faced the fear, grabbed hold of the altar and sang your heart out - people would be blessed with the most amazing voice... don'y curtail your ministry! I don't know what your prison is - what holds you back in certain areas or hinders you from following a particular dream - but while rummaging through the attic of my mind the other day I came across something very peculiar. My upbringing was strict and strait-laced. I can't remember my mother hugging me until I graduated from university (hahah). Looking back, I find it amusing the way my younger brother and I would dodge the congregation or nip to the loos when they would have 'Love day' at church; or the pastor would instruct us all to 'turn and greet one another with a brotherly hug' lol, physical contact was so foreign and embarrassing! Eventually however, we were 'schooled' and by the time our children were born (we each have 3) we had vowed to shower them with affection so they wouldn't be awkward teenagers like we were. (applause)
Imagine my surprise then to find myself withholding public displays of affection from my youngest baby!!!!
I love Paz, she is just the cutest lil thing. As were her brother and sister before her. And honestly, I love them ALL equally, BUT right now she's the baby so (at home) she's the one likely to be sitting on my hip, pulling at my face or getting raspberries blown on her tummy. When the older ones were younger I did the same for them. They have all been MY BABY in turn. So why is it that when we go out I subconsciously tone down on her kisses and cuddles? Answer: It's the power of perception
A lot has been said (mostly in jest) about Paz's complexion. While our firstborn, the Golden One (pictured below with her grandmother) is dark chocolate personified;
and God wrapped the little prince in maple syrup and fudge (yummy),
our final princess looks like she came out the oven too early, with her sandy brown sugar skin and gingerbread hair.
For months friends and family made jokes about her true paternity (probably the local chinaman) as she is much lighter than either myself or HRH who himself once joked that she might be an albino cos he couldn't see why she was so pale. NO OFFENSE TO ANY SUFFERERS OF ALBINISM.
I must admit that during the early stages, even I, despite my education, did at one point wonder if those UV lights they kept her under inthe neonatal ICU had bleached her out (Laugh with me here :) ).
In my humble opinion, Paz is cute - all babies are of course, but I do bristle when someone says :'oh she's so pretty and light-skinned' especially when my 'darker' children are about, especially because it makes it seem as though perhaps she is pretty BECAUSE she is lighter...
When My son was born, certain people accused me of favouring him over the Golden one.
"Mummy's like their boys you know",
"you're not like that with her".
That made me mad because I treated the lil prince exactly the same as I treated his sister WHEN SHE WAS HIS AGE, but with them being 12 yrs apart of course I am not going to treat them the same NOW!
If he topples over at 11 months of course I will cuddle him, and fuss (a little); if she topples over I might not bat an eyelid unless she has sprained her ankle, dislocated her knee or gashed open her thigh (ROFL). She's big enough to get up, dust herself off and move on without needing mummy to kiss it better or wear a 'mr men' plaster! But those comments have clearly seeded in me because I temper my public displays of affection for baby Paz in fear that I will be told:
' See you like her the best cos she is red'
Aaaargh! And going back to the self built prisons: noone has EVER said that to me, EVER!
It's all in my head!!!!
Yet, I'm modifying my behaviour and denying my pumpkin her cuddles all based on the fear that I will be perceived to be favouring this child over the others: how dumb is that???? Stupse! Anyway, now that I've caught myself doing it I can stop it cos it's just silly.
Even if ppl do think that so what? I know it's not true and it's not my business to battle with other peoples thoughts. My job is To make sure that my children: all 3 of them know and understand that they are loved equally.
They are individuals and I love their individual shades of chocolatey sugary goodness. And that's all that matters. Free your minds and the rest will follow!
WELCOME TO THE TAPESTRY OF ME.... These are my words and this is my journey, from 'there to hair'! My life, the lessons learned in and through love and loves ones; and my hair affairs. http://lovelifelocks.blogspot.com